Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Losing Touch - Is Fantasy Football Real?

Greg's Complete 2012 To-Do List

The NFL kicks off this Wednesday, September 5, signaling the beginning of the 2012 season of the mental blood sport known as Fantasy Football. You see, the "real" NFL games don't really matter to those of us addicted to FF. Sure, like most Houstonians, I want the Houston Texans to win the Super Bowl just as long as the Texans allow my FF players to rack up points against them. Fantasy Football has truly reshaped the definition of what it means to be a team fan. Can you believe that some people actually root for players who are all on the same team? That's just crazy talk!

There are so many things that are so wrong on so many levels with Fantasy Football. For those of you who may not know, I have provided a partial list of the warning signs below:
  • Spousal abandonment
  • Rooting for players who play for the Dallas Cowboys
  • Uncontrolled mostly manly screaming on Sundays, Mondays and many Thursdays
  • Reprioritizing FF as above things like family, work, faith, personal hygiene...
  • Belief that "Fantasy Football Today" is the only legitimate source for news and weather
  • Temporary suspension of disbelief for 17 weeks (C'mon man, Michael Vick will play 16 regular season games this year, I am sure of it!) 
  • The sudden and complete loss of the ability to think critically and make ANY decision
  • Hallucinations that include Tim Tebow throwing 6 TD passes...in one quarter
  • The term "Waiver Wire" becomes a common and favorite phrase
  • Wild mood swings
  • Going to Buffalo Wild Wings for the games and not for the wings
  • The total and complete loss of accounting for time

Alas, I enter my 4th year of Fantasy Football after promising my wife the last 3 years that I would not put myself...er...her through this again. Maybe after this season...

A fate worse than death!!

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