Pitch This!

"The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals, and three run homers." - Earl Weaver

When it comes to sports, my wife Brooke fits into the "see it live and in person" category. Don't get me wrong, she is not really interested in the game -- she just loves the social experience that comes along with being taken out to the ballgame. And these are the rare times that she will actually eat a hot dog (means I am allowed one as well).

Nearly 2 years ago we witnessed Mike Fiers of the Houston Astros throw a no-hitter at Minute Maid Park. It was amazing to actually see one of only 296 no-hitters that have so far been pitched. For me, I love baseball above all else because every single pitch thrown is strategic. What combination of pitches does a particular pitcher throw and what kind of pitch is a batter most likely to hit, etc., etc. After the no-hitter, I decided that it was time for me to teach Brooke about the holy trinity of pitching no-no nevers: 

• Never allow the inning lead-off hitter to get on base
• Never allow an opposing pitcher to reach base and especially by being walked
• Never allow a base runner to steal home

In the beginning Brooke seemed genuinely interested in learning these interesting facts and why they are actually important in the strategy of every baseball game played. That was until last night when I eagerly asked her if she remembered the holy trinity of pitching no-no nevers? She said, "Sure!":

1. Never allow any hitter to score a touchdown with a grand slam
2. Never disrespect an opposing pitcher especially one with a "wicked" slider
3. Never start a land war in Asia 

Funny gal that one. Alas, it's a work in progress. Perhaps she will seriously share my enthusiasm for the game someday? Better yet, maybe she will let me get the chili dog next time. Play Ball!

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Trinidad by any other name is CARNIVAL!

 

Brooke and I headed down to Trinidad last Thursday and we are now preparing for Carnival, the biggest celebration in the Caribbean. We have already attended a "Fete" (held at the cricket stadium), which is a big cooler party that starts at around 11pm and then lasts all night. Okay, we made it until 1:30am and counted ourselves as quasi-locals. I can assure you that my hips do NOT move in the way that I saw others who attended. And let's not mention the fact that I am old enough to be the father of most attendees!!


We slept in on Saturday and then headed to the Maracas Beach. To say that I am not a good passenger (versus being the driver) would be an understatement! Both the brake and steering wheel on my side of the car were not working. It was described to me as "a one hour mountainous drive", but never was it said that the whole trip over from Port-of-Spain would be 2 feet from a straight drop to the sea below!! Did I mention the road was barely 2 car widths wide? And the cars are right-side drive (what were the Brits originally thinking?). And what driving school did these people attend? In spite of it all, the beach was beautiful and Brooke befriended a snake; life does not get much better than that!

So, it is off to bed right now as we will be leaving at 3:00am to attend, uh...participate in J'ouvert; the very start of Carnival. J'ouvert is a large street party in the eastern Caribbean region. J'ouvert is a contraction of the French jour ouvert, or dawn/day break. The celebration involves calypso/soca bands and their followers dancing through the streets. The festival starts well before dawn and peaks a few hours after sunrise. Fortunately for me, there will be at least 500 people in our "band" and it will be dark - no one will even know this particular guy can't dance!

Our best to all from Trinidad and Carnival...

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The Glamah of Business Travel, Check That!

So, I have been traveling on business for many years and the majority of my friends (who do not travel for business) think that I have a very glamorous job. Do they not know how far it is to Sao Paulo, Brazil from Houston, TX? And with a change of planes in Miami? Oh, and the whole round-trip being completed in less than 36 hours, with 24 of those in the air? And in a middle seat in coach? Yea, that's glamorous!

Many think that travel to varied locations, even for work, is like going on little mini-vacations. The absolute truth is that I have been to many places, yet I have seen very few. Flying in for meetings near Heathrow Airport in London does not constitute "seeing" England. And just last week I got stuck in Atlanta after my scheduled 2 hour flight to Houston was more than 8 hours late. For the record, Terminal D at Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Airport is not Disney World; well, except for the food prices. And as much as Tom Hanks made living in an airport terminal look like fun (The Terminal), it's not. Yea, that's glamorous. 

Weather delays, mechanical problems, crew time-outs, turbulence, endless jet-lag, rookie travelers (no ma'am that won't fit in the overhead bin even if they magically doubled its size right here on the spot - why did they let you bring that down the jetway anyway?); yea that's glamorous.  Crying children, whining adults, disgruntled flight crews, overpriced snacks, tiny bathrooms, tiny seats, limited recline, no pillows, no blankets, too hot or too cold cabins; yea that's glamorous. Body scans, body pat-downs, no belts, no shoes, laptops out, confiscated cupcakes, TSA; yea, that's glamorous.

Before I seem completely ungrateful, let me say two positive things about traveling on business. 1) It means that I have a job, and 2) I earn valuable benefits like free trips that are just for fun.

 

I will close this post with a few personal travel statistics, 90% of which came from being a business "Road Warrior":

2.8 million miles flown

48 of 50 US states visited (all but Alaska & Delaware)

Spotted in 25 countries & over 1000 cities or towns

Over 1000 hotel nights stayed 

Over 300 cars rented

Dined at unknown thousands of restaurants including nearly 100 Buffalo Wild Wings

30ish extra pounds gained (see previous comment)

Yea, that's glamorous!

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To iPhone or Not To iPhone

...that is the question! If Shakespeare were living today, this may have been a dichotomy for him as well.

Technology Squared!

So yesterday, I too was seduced by the iPhone. I am quite sure that I heard the song of the siren when I walked into the Sprint store. If you have read Homer's "Odyssey", then you know that the Sirens sing a song so irresistible that none can hear it and escape. Alas, I am now trapped! Sucked into the iPhone culture and destined to a life that condemns those who would carry another type of smart device that does not start with a lower case "i". I can no longer look at a cloud in the sky and call it by that name because the only cloud of value is the iCloud. A virtual place where magic happens and apps are born.


It is truly insidious as this new technology begins to take over one's life. It forces me to write in the third person because this surely cannot be happening to me? Was life really less complicated and less busy for me just 24 hours ago? Aren't I more productive? Is it now impossible for me to tap out a text message because I have been enabled by a woman named Siri who will do this for me and even ask me politely to confirm and validate her work? Do I no longer need a map nor even any conscious knowledge of where I am in the entire time and space continuum. May I forever quit remembering useless trivia like where I live, or what is on my schedule and when, or the mathematical constant known as Pi, or where to locate a recipe to bake a pie? Have I become so enabled and efficient that I will have more knowledge even as I become less wise from an atrophy to my brain? Will my ADHD and OCD tenancies be aided and improved in a world where technology makes my very own intelligence artificial?

Had Shakespeare had an iPhone perhaps he would have faced a similar conundrum so profound as to write Hamlet as a comedy; leaving the tragedy to those who would succumb to the 2nd greatest temptation in history involving an apple. One thing I do know for sure, he could have gotten Siri to get him the definition for "soliloquy" in less than 30 seconds...'tis noble indeed!

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Bad News, Good News, Rinse, Repeat...

Earlier today, our car broke down with what appears to be a blown radiator hose (let's hope that is all) while we were traveling back to Houston after our holiday visit to upstate NY.

Bad News: Blown hose has left no coolant in the radiator

Good News: It happened 8 miles east of Meridian, MS 

Bad News: It happened 8 miles east of Meridian, MS 

Good News: We made it to a Drury Inn that is dog friendly, with free wi-fi and free breakfast 

Bad News: There are no repair shops open today and possibly tomorrow 

Good News: We can walk next door to Buffalo Wild Wings 

Bad News: I told Brooke I would cut back on wings starting January 1 

Good News: I did not state what year I would start cutting back on wings 

Bad News: Brooke's understanding of the wings agreement may not sync with mine 

Good News: She is fair minded especially due to the automobile crisis 

Bad News: The CFT (Crisis Fairness Theory) has not been previously tested 

Good News: I am a skilled negotiator 

Bad News: Brooke is a more highly skilled negotiator 

Good News: At least I will have wing-fueled happiness 

Bad News: If Brooke isn't happy, there isn't a wing in the world that is worth it... 

Good News: This is only a temporary set-back 

Bad News: Temporary has a broad interpretation range 

Good News:  There are far worse things than being in Meridian, MS within walking distance of Bdubs

We are safe, we did not burn up the motor and we definitely will not starve anytime soon!  Happy New Year to all and our wishes to everyone is for a joyful and prosperous 2012.

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Weather or Not, Here We Come!

It has been said that there are only two things that are certain in this life - death and taxes. This has been proven undeniably true, especially for the former. But, on the opposite extreme is the one thing that is nearly always uncertain and that is the weather. And its proclivity to be the opposite of one's expectation is at exactly the point when it matters most.  For instance, at the same time as one wants to travel, or to attend an event, or to go shopping or to work, or to simply get your groceries and yourself to the car while simultaneously remaining dry. 

So why blog about the weather? My grandfather used to always tell me, "Gregree (his pronunciation of my formal name Gregory), never talk to people about politics, religion or sex; just keep it to the weather!"  A different time and a different world for sure, however, the gist of his message has always been and always will be clear to me because no one is ever really offended by talk of the weather. But, everyone is affected by the weather every day of their lives. And everyone learns to make accommodations. 

We humans could learn a lot about patience and tolerance if we would just take a moment, get introspective, and then analyze the ways that we adjust our lives to the weather. Of course I would be lying if I said that the weather always brings out the good in me. Many would argue that second only to Fantasy Football and the occasional road rage, the weather stirs up my angst more often than not. I mean, come on now, does it really have to snow every single holiday that we spend in upstate NY? I suppose it is pretty and all, but I have noticed that it is always accompanied by freezing temperatures. But I am a reasonable person - next year in the Caribbean perhaps? Is that too much to ask? 

Asking for a little tanning weather in December is not a sign of intolerance nor a lack of patience. My situation is unique and different from everyone else; I am sure of it! Cold weather often causes me heartburn, dry skin, chapped lips, poor circulation, impaired vision, uncontrolled utterances and downright grouchiness. But I am not complaining because that would seem to disrupt the essence and meaning of this message, which is to extract a golden nugget from a weather metaphor, if you will.  

I have got to run now anyway. This means I have to start the car so that it can warm up for 10 minutes. Then I will put on my coat, my gloves, my hat, my scarf and my cheery disposition and head out for a few errands. I am now rethinking the value of my grandfather's advice. Perhaps he lived in simpler times when the weather was always one's friend and never disrupted one's life. Bah humbug!

Weather or not, here we come...       

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"King of the Road" and Other Self-Proclaimed Titles

When you travel regularly for business like I do, you are summarily lumped into the single catch-all, category killing title of, "Road Warrior". Now that I have over 3 million air miles, shouldn't I be allowed to declare myself "Grand Pooh Bah of the Skies" or something? But I digress...

Us, just after arriving in upstate NY

This post is about our current (4th overall!!) driving trip from Houston, TX to New Hartford, NY; our noble dog Cowboy Jack in tow. For those who do not know NY State, New Hartford is located in the Mohawk Valley between Syracuse & Albany. It is a not so scant 1,800 miles from our home in Houston. A glorious trip that includes 3 days and 32 hours of driving weariness and more than a few stops at McDonald's for a wi-fi fix (you thought Big Mac, didn't you?)! If God had meant for people to drive to visit family for the holidays, He would not have allowed for the invention of jet planes, would He? 

My original plan to have Brooke drive up with the dog and then retrieve me from the Syracuse airport, three relaxing days later, was nixed without negotiation. A dedicated & loving husband (such as myself) knows when to fold his hand when it comes to what is apparently now a holiday tradition.  Traditions are, well, unbreakable, unmovable and unavoidable agreements between those who desire World Peace and personal contentment sans spousal ire.    

Can I get an AMEN!?

The trip "Back East" included couch-surfing in Birmingham, AL, on night number one followed by a great visit and stay with daughter & son-in-law (Tahni & Joseph) in Charlottesville, VA. We finally made it to New Hartford at the end of the 3rd driving day, which included the last 60 miles on a two lane road called NY Route 8. Eight being the number of sharp curves per mile I am sure. It should be noted that Cowboy Jack slept for 33 of the 32 hours of road time. 

Now, before I divulge our newly earned titles of self-importance (the original purpose of this post - SQUIRREL), I wanted to let you know that all is well with the world. Seeing and spending time with the family is very valuable, but what is a trip to the northern latitudes worth if it does not include a great wings eating experience at Cavallo's (see picture with wings not pictured)? NUFF said!   

Cavallo's in New Hartford - best wings outside of Buffalo

Without further ado: I hereby declare, proclaim and bestow, by my self-imposed power, the following duly earned titles upon myself, my lovely bride and where allowed by law and PETA, his most high dogness Cowboy Jack:  

Greg: "Driver of the Month", "Captain Road Rage", "General Garminator aka Nuvinator aka GPSter", "His Excellency the Street Czar", and "The Turbo Diesel Demon"  

Brooke: "The Great Tolerator", "Lead Speed & Route Advisor", "Head of Highway Direction Board", "Her Excellency the Duchess of Pit Stop" and "Queen Are You Talking to Me?" 

Cowboy Jack: "Pack Nap Leader aka His Fluffy Sleepness", "Meal Time Roll Call Commander", "His Excellency the Couldn't Care Less One", and of course our pet name (rim shot) for him - "Drowsy"

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Nearly 55 and a GLEEk!

So, when folks get to be my age they face the cultural and nearly uncontrollable vulnerability known as being "Middle Age Crazy".  For most this manifests itself into buying a fast sports car, or a second home in an exotic location, or a yacht that is moored on the inter-coastal waterway in Florida. As for me, I drive a VW Jetta TDI (diesel), have a single primary home in Houston, TX and I see a BOAT for what it stands for - Bring Out Another Thousand (dollars that is). The conundrum for me, as I quickly approach an age that matches the speed limit of the Carter administration, is that I find myself to be a GLEEk.

For those who are not aware, a GLEEk is a fan, or more appropriately, an addict of the Fox Network show GLEE. 

I am not exactly sure how this happened to me, but I do know that I cannot seem to extricate myself from either watching or liking the program. Perhaps it is the blend of music that includes a bit standards, a dose of Classic Rock, a little original music, and then topped up with today's modern pop culture music? Maybe it is my unconscious desire to be back in high school surrounded by friends with amazing talents, great looks and great hair.

Actually, I think that GLEE simply resonates (and across generational lines) because it is so unrealistic and so outright entertaining for those who want to watch TV without the need to bring your brain.  

There is some odd and unusual comfort in watching a show that in no way matches ones own personal experience. So you know, I am not envious nor jealous of the GLEE life, but I would like to be Sue Sylvester for just one day.  That is what makes one a devout GLEEk.

Well done GLEEk, well done!

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IM okay, IM okay!

Before you think that this is all about me, know that the IM to which I refer to in the title is the now pervasive and addictive, spelling and grammar destroying, multi-task challenging phenomenon known as "Instant Messaging".

And IM is not just taking over your relationships with our friends and colleagues, it is now in firm control of our love lives!!  A related side note, I would have virtually no communication with my daughters if not for the magic of text messaging (I miss you girls).  Oops, excuse me while I respond back to my lovely bride who is currently located downstairs about 30 feet from me (10 feet as the indoor crow flies).

Brooke: yt?

Me: y

Brooke: U busy?

Me: y

Brooke: lmk whut up with U?

Me: writin' blog post

Brooke: question?

Me: y?

Brooke: R U hungry?

Me: y

Brooke: k, cool!

Me: That's it?

Brooke: y

Me: k, cool!  

          

I suppose she will ping me again shortly to ask if I am thirsty, but until then I will continue with this blog post.

Brooke: yt?

Me: y, what now?

Brooke: R U thirsty?

Me: y

Brooke: k, cool!

As I was trying to say, IM is taking over the world like a bad untreatable plague that does not kill anyone, yet renders one confused about the proper means to communicate with anyone at a level above the language that we have with our pets. Check that, we use complete words and cute phrases for that..."You are such a good boy, would you like a treat?"  Cowboy Jack: y

Brooke: yt? 

Me: y

Brooke: mind if I go 2 gym?

Me: n

Brooke: k, cool!

The truth is that I now use IM personally and professionally because I am saving my voice and word articulation for my debut as a guest tenor with The Houston Grand Opera.  And why use the spoken word and expend all that energy? And proper grammar and sentence structure is so 1970!

Brooke: yt? 

Me: y

Brooke: off 2 gym!

Me: k

Brooke: ily

Me: ily2

Brooke: k, cool!

The trouble with "fads" like IM is that they are not just fads, but rather, they become ingrained into the very pop culture in which we live. I suppose the old adage applies here, "If you cannot beat them, you might as well join them!"  Alas, this is true.

Oh wait, just got a cell phone text from Brooke, "at gym".  Pardon me while I text her back, "k, cool!"

TTYL my BFF's!

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The "WE" Code

Every relationship (spouse, family, friends, pets, etc.) has a "WE" code even if you are not aware that one exists.  It is very important to understand the nuances of the "WE" code in order to remain calm and happy whenever the code is invoked. Everyone you will encounter has their own "WE" code and their own unique interpretation of exactly what is expected once it is dropped on you.

For clarification, I thought I would provide a list of the most common "WE" codes along with a few examples of Brooke's definition when speaking them specifically to me:

WE = WE (Both of Us)

"WE need to go to Sam's Club and pick up a few things."

  

WE = ME (Brooke)

"WE need to make dinner."

"WE need to go to Marshall's & TJ Maxx."

"WE need to go to the gym." 

WE = YOU (Greg)

"WE need to grill tonight." 

"WE need to go to Home Depot."

"WE need to do laundry."

"WE need to iron the clothing."

"WE need to make the bed."

"WE need to power-wash the deck."

"WE need to drive to upstate NY for Christmas."

"WE need to exercise/walk more."

"WE need to eat less wings."

"WE need to fill-up/wash the car."

"WE need to quit playing Fantasy Football."

"WE need to pay the bills."

WE = HIM or HER or THEM (Others including animals)

"WE need to get the oven repaired."

"WE need to clean the house."

"WE need to go pee-pee." (Cowboy Jack)

Valuable "WE" code Tips:

• These codes should not be taken lightly nor for granted.   
• Misinterpreting "WE" codes has been proven to cause moderate to extreme pain in the lower extremities, just above the hamstrings.  
• When in doubt, always assume the comment was directed at you exclusively.  
• When returning a code always assume the comment you are making is in reference to you exclusively.  
• If you are having trouble identifying any WE=WE codes, assume that all those possibilities apply to you exclusively.  
• If a third-party in a WE = HIM or HER or THEM is hard to discern, assume that it applies to you exclusively.

Any questions?  

  

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