iPhone App Fatigue!

Pick an app, any app!

Like most iPhone neophytes a mere 90 days into the Apple iOS Vulcan mind meld, I am beginning to experience the weariness of iAF; iPhone App Fatigue. As of yet, this condition has not been covered in the WedMD iPhone app, but it must surely be coming soon? And what category would such an ailment be found? My guess is that it will be somewhere between an obsessive disorder and an addiction, probably both. 

Soon we will see iAA meetings being held in every corner of the Apple universe. Perhaps I should develop an iPhone app called Attend an iAA Meeting? I could ask Siri to introduce me to my virtual fellow app addicts, "Hi, my name is Greg and I am an appaholic!" Imagine this announcement being followed by a flurry of iMessages saying, "Hi, Greg!" Or maybe the sudden onslaught of simultaneous Facetime, or better yet, Skype app sessions? Or impromptu videos transmitted to me on the Socialcam app and shout-outs over the HeyTell app? Then all the aforementioned getting posted to Facebook, Twitter and Instagram with instant verification through a quick tap on their respective iPhone app icons. 

App Store Icon

All of this is making me hungry and forcing me to use my Yelp app, my Urban Spoon app or my After Dark app to find something close or I could simply order a pizza from the Domino's app. Better yet, I will look at my Foursquare app to find a "friend" in the area whom I can surprise with my presence, completely unannounced; maybe even steal their Mayorship to boot. WAIT, I have the new Buffalo Wild Wings app, which is useful in helping me find the closest BW3 restaurant to my current location, which I can verify with my Google Maps app! But being the electronically enabled diner that I am, I should really use the Open Table app to reserve a nice restaurant with the perfect ambiance befitting a sophisticated eater such as myself. Then again, why just look for food when the Happy Hours app can add refreshing beverages to the experience; and at a discount?

The app store is not my friend. It is the modern day "electronic form" serpent in today's Garden of Eden. "Come take a bite of this Apple and unlock the power of all knowledge," it will tease. It leads me to the the very doorstep of dependence that requires me to abandon all critical thinking skills. And it is exercise free! It is dumbing me down to a level where I actually believe that if there is not an app for it, then it is neither valuable nor legitimate. My world is systematically being reduced to a 2"X5" touch screen footprint and yet I go willingly.

My only salvation lies in the fact that all these apps are making me tired. iAF has set in even with all the promise of an easy app enabled life. Perhaps I can order some sleep aid from my Walgreens app and get a good night's rest? I can ease myself to sleep with a nice smooth jazz playlist on iTunes and then wake tomorrow refreshed knowing that I can check the weather in my 100 favorite places, read news from thousands of sources, update my status on Facebook, tweet my breakfast selection for the day and play a nice invigorating game of Angry Birds; all with a few effortless taps on a glass screen!

How did we survive before?

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To iPhone or Not To iPhone

...that is the question! If Shakespeare were living today, this may have been a dichotomy for him as well.

Technology Squared!

So yesterday, I too was seduced by the iPhone. I am quite sure that I heard the song of the siren when I walked into the Sprint store. If you have read Homer's "Odyssey", then you know that the Sirens sing a song so irresistible that none can hear it and escape. Alas, I am now trapped! Sucked into the iPhone culture and destined to a life that condemns those who would carry another type of smart device that does not start with a lower case "i". I can no longer look at a cloud in the sky and call it by that name because the only cloud of value is the iCloud. A virtual place where magic happens and apps are born.


It is truly insidious as this new technology begins to take over one's life. It forces me to write in the third person because this surely cannot be happening to me? Was life really less complicated and less busy for me just 24 hours ago? Aren't I more productive? Is it now impossible for me to tap out a text message because I have been enabled by a woman named Siri who will do this for me and even ask me politely to confirm and validate her work? Do I no longer need a map nor even any conscious knowledge of where I am in the entire time and space continuum. May I forever quit remembering useless trivia like where I live, or what is on my schedule and when, or the mathematical constant known as Pi, or where to locate a recipe to bake a pie? Have I become so enabled and efficient that I will have more knowledge even as I become less wise from an atrophy to my brain? Will my ADHD and OCD tenancies be aided and improved in a world where technology makes my very own intelligence artificial?

Had Shakespeare had an iPhone perhaps he would have faced a similar conundrum so profound as to write Hamlet as a comedy; leaving the tragedy to those who would succumb to the 2nd greatest temptation in history involving an apple. One thing I do know for sure, he could have gotten Siri to get him the definition for "soliloquy" in less than 30 seconds...'tis noble indeed!

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